You know that warm tingling feeling you get when something just makes you so happy? When a movie is just too amazing that you end up crying at it's finale or when you are in the middle of laughing so much you can barely breath. I call that little tingle of happiness a sparkle. How very fairy tale and soppy of me. When I was younger I had this whole theory in my head that those sparkles were the reason we all worked the way we do, those little sparkles worked like magic and little grubby chubby me truly, hands down, believed that those little sparkles were the answer to anything I didn't understand.
"How was the world created Holly?"
"Oh, Sparkles burst everywhere and then built it from magic!"
"Why is the sky blue?"
"You see, the sea has sparkles that reflect onto the sky!"
"What happened to the cat? Why is he wearing a princess dress?"
"He wanted to feel sparkly Mummy."
I thought the more sparkles you felt, the better a person you were and the more people you could make sparkle the more sparkles you would receive in return. In my little brain, among the two times tables and the rhyme that helps you spell "because", this seemed a very logical explanation. I wasn't a completely crazed child though because in a way, it does even now make reasonable sense. I mean surely if you make others happy, they will make you happy in return right? If you show kindness they will show it back to you because that's how it works. That was a sparkle rule, unspoken but always obeyed. It worked for ten year old me anyway and I lived by my rule for a very long time. I could have probably lived by it for longer, maybe even forever, if I had just ignored my curious consciouns. Yet, curiosity got the better of me.
The older I grew, the more I became aware that people didn't return my little sparks back all the time. I'd hold a door open and get no thank you or I'd smile at a passerby in the street and be ignored. This probably had been going on for a while but I was so busy living in my own sparkle run world that I just didn't see it. Then one day, I was told by someone that I was just too nice. I didn't fully understand, I mean how can someone be too nice? After a while though, I finally got it. I had gone through my whole life constantly putting other before myself, making sure I made everyone happy, going out of my way to be nice to people. That's not a bad thing but it is when people realise that is who you are and then start to take advantage of your kindness, treading over you and making you do what they want without consideration for your emotions. In some ways, I am still letting this happen, but I'm learning that although I can do anything, it doesn't mean I have to do everything. I can always just say no. I've learnt that it's okay to say no every now and then. If there is something you don't want to do, something that you think will make you unhappy. You can say no. Who knew?
Although I may have grown out of my sparkle theory, I still feel the sparks. Every time someone goes out of their way to smile at me, when someone compliments me or when someone actually makes an effort to make me laugh or get to know me, I'm reminded of the little sparks that once ran my world. I still try to share my sparks with everyone and sometimes I fail but I never gave up. You should all give it a shot sometime and just try to make someone who you don't even know that well laugh or smile. You might look a bit of an idiot but you could also make it happen. It can make a huge difference to a person and even to your own life! I, for one, would truly appreciate your effort.
It's only a sparkle but it's enough to keep me going. One spark is just enough to make a fire glowing.